--IS IT A POINT OF NO RETURN?--

Both of us tried.. So hard that caused a complete breakdown.
I couldnt say its your fault or mine. Both contribute to it. Things were no longer the same as it used to be. When jokes werent seen as a joke anymore. All I know is that tolerances is at the lowest point, and there is no more giving again.

I couldnt wait anymore. All i wanted badly is to see you, and because U couldnt take my joke. You left me lost with your hurting words. Perhaps I never really understand you at all.
You need something called TIME, yet I could not afford to give you anymore. Waiting time is terrible.. Yet, U told me its my business.


Looking back,
you are the first that kept my stubbornness away..
Despite tears, pains were forgotten easily with your sweetie smile. Your temper strike like a lightning.. & for someone like me who couldnt handle it fast, often get caught in between your frustration for no apparent reason. But I know you didnt mean it when u tried to make me smile. Whatever it might be.. I Love You. For your everything.

I thought we are already alright.
Failing to realise that now is still the sensitive period. Well, isnt love also means endless forgiving? Or in reality, U are already being brainwashed by your 'bro', who was more significant than me to you.

Sadly, when exhaustion couldnt get in touch with communication. Fire meets fire.
U think i have changed. But in actual fact, i also have my own temper.
But I kept it away.. Simple reason, I want to be your wonderful Bei.. That was why i never did lose my temper on you. Never.

Not a Superwoman.
Sorry.. because I couldnt give you any more of my best understanding.
I was more to fragile than independent. Alot of time, I just hope you will be there when i breakdown.. Hopes are hopes.
Now, I could no longer hold you in my arms, could no longer tell you that you actually meant the world to me. I could never find you beside me when i wake up in the morning.. unable to kiss and hug you whenever things goes wrong.

Alot of bitter hate & pain in us. I couldnt give what you want anymore. All I can is to wish you the best in finding your perfect happiness.

--Darling--

when i said its the last SMS i will send to you.. i mean it.

Please dont test my patience, for its totally gone after today..

Your pain didnt add joy to my life.

At least i know your welfare means so much more

than mine.

I thought you know me well enough that i love you so deep so true..

and would never do anything that could break your heart.
Yet to you, I am someone heartless enough to smile at your pain.

Arent you the heartless one?

.

Today,

30 June 2007

..

in your hurting words..
you said no matter how much u miss me, how much u love me, or how much you need me..

you will NEVER do anything to hold our relationship back anymore..

not anymore.

Well, this is enough to break my heart.. break our love.. break all the promises made.
..
My heart shattered into pieces. But I never want it to be amended.

Its your 9 Months Appreciation.

..

Leave it the way you left it.
..

..

So For Me..
Doesnt matter how much i miss you, love you or need you badly by my side..

or even if the whole world turns me away..

I will hold on with all my own might..

and I will never ask you back... never ask for your return.

If cutting my flesh apart would just stop me from giving you any reply,

I Will.

For, you've crushed me badly with all your might.

.

Congrats, you succeed.

--Bei--

--小Pie & 小Puff--

Was kinda smiling to myself when I received his SMS this morning.
The cutie him is back.

"If everything heals le u will still be with me?" --10.35am--

If there's a chance of course i wish to..
I still love you the most.. Second is patrick le.. Haha

"R u sure wif it? U still wan's to be my creamy puff? Be my personal maria? Hehe..." --10.56am--

To be your sweetie puff .. Yes.
But to be ur personal maria.. No.

"R u very sure u don wan it? 1 count 2 count 3... Still wan it?" --10.59am--

Negotiable?

"No tis u can't choose de Haha.. U have to stick to it le.." --11.12am--

Wa.. even work can choose position le....

"No don care tis issue its not able to negotiate anymore.. Chop.. Its being confirm le.." --11.20am--

How nice,

if love can forever be so sweet even without any 'cracks' in between.

-- At least time wouldn't need to be spent on its healing.

Thank you for being there still, & for not running away from me.--

...maybe this is how A PERFECT LOVE is slowly moulded into...

..

Reflection..

Did we often take people around us for granted? Thinking that they will always be there.

Human are only human.

Sadly,

They might be gone by the time u realised U broke their heart, just by failing to cherish them.

No one waits forever.

Therefore,
Appreciate every little thing they do just to bring a little smile on your face.

Cuz to them, it might means the world.

**If You Are Given A Second Chance..

YOU ARE BLESSED.**

..

Dont feel embarrass to say I LOVE YOU to your love one

Truthfully, that's where the strenghth came from.

Piepie, U know e reason why i always say,

"Darling 我最爱你了, 你爱我吗?''

..

Well.. its silly. But i need you to give me some strength..

..

Ending Conversation..

My little Pie wanna rest liao..

Byebye

"Wat byebye y no Muack Muack de? --11.40am--

" Ok Nvm... Tonight sleep balcony..."

--11.45am--

-_____-

---Hahaha.. Dat's My Sweetie Pie..

& now i know how u added colour into my life..---

**Remember we wanted to walk together?**

*Men,
what are your mentality?
Some hints just couldnt be understood by Women. That's why we are from different planet. So please, be more specific in it. *

A Clearer Understanding of What is LOVE..

If you love some one because

you think that he or she is really gorgeous...

then it's not love..

it's ~ Infatuation ~

If you love some one because

you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't,

then it's not love..

it's ~ compromise ~

If you love some one because

you think that you cannot live with out his touch..

then it's not love ..

it's ~lust~

If you love some one because

you have been kissed by him..

then it's not love..

it's ~ inferiority complex~

If you love some one because

you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings..

then it's not love..

it's ~charity~

If you love some one because

you share every thing with him..

then it's not love..

it's ~friendship~

but if

you feel the pain of the other person more than him

even when he is stable and you cry for him...

that's ~LOVE~

if you get attracted to there people but stay with him without any regrets..

that's ~LOVE~

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to ...

that's ~LOVE~

Lord,

make me an instrument of Thy peace.

Where there is injury,

Pardon;

Where there is doubt,

Faith;
Where there is despair,

Hope;

Where there is darkness,

Light;

Where there is saddness,

Joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that i may not so much seek

To be console as to console, To be understand as to understand.

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we received,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

-- at times when i am losing hope,

and when everything seems so wrong..

God,thanks for standing by me,

so that despair wasnt able to take me over.--

*-Reflection-*

Some people who see me, felt that i am a self destroying girl.
I used to be, perhaps because i felt that mentally pain is far more torturing than physcial pain.

Few years ago, after the pain J***** left for me, when there was only emptiness, God brings me through. That was when I stopped those cutting.. stopped those destroying.


Unexpectedly, interest in tattoos grew in me.

I wasnt even 16 at e moment, i must have caused my love one much disappointment. For them is a sign of rebellious. But to me, its really & simply ARTS.

Didnt meant to cause the disappointment.
Frequent years has taught me how to ignore those whispers behind me, even though there are frustration sometime.


Still, my temptation towards tattoo will never be resisted.

I just knew that i lived only once, and decide how i want my life is to be led.. I dont want to live my life up to people's expectation, their hope, their wish.. because as time goes, i will only felt exhausted and meaningless.



**Dream what U wanna dream, go where U wanna go, be what U wanna be, because U have only one life and one chance to do all the things U wanna do.**







Please see me inside for who i really am.

--Dont judge people, if you do, you'll have no time to love them--